Published: 4 September 2020
Assertiveness is a communication skill that everyone should learn and what better time to do that than at university?
It really means the ability to be honest about what you want. Whether that’s working towards your future career or getting your point across in a classroom debate.
But there’s a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Read on for tips on how to learn this skill while thinking about the needs, rights and wants of other people too.
Rights of being assertive
Being assertive is a balancing act. You have your own set of rights in the conversation, but so does the person you’re talking with.
- Right to say ‘no’
- Right to make mistakes
- Right to be who you are
- The right to self-respect
Keep these in mind, for both you and the other people in the conversation.
Assertive, not aggressive
A conversation doesn’t always have to be about winning, even when you’re having a debate. Remember that the end goal is for everyone to learn something that helps them.
Aggressive people are only interested in winning. That gets rid of the point of discussion because you’ve closed yourself off to new ideas.
Tips for being more assertive
- Different voices make for better conversation. That means listen to other people, but also remember that your opinion matters just as much.
- If you feel anger or anxiety when you’re talking with someone, take a breath and try to put think about why you’re having the discussion. Will you feel as passionate the next day?
- What do you believe? Being assertive means expressing your needs, opinions and ideas. So make sure you know what they are!
- Voice these thoughts in a calm and sensible way.
- Ask yourself: am I having this debate to offer my opinions or to force them on other people?
- Also ask: do I want this conversation to end with a balance between our ideas or for only my thoughts to ‘win’?
- Try and find a compromise. Use phrases like, ‘finding a middle ground’ to show that you’re open to new ideas.
- If the person you’re talking with becomes angry or aggressive it’s OK to tell them to stop.
- And if they don’t listen to you, it’s also OK to walk away.
Assertive people often get very far in life. Not because they push their opinions on others, but because they know what they want and work with others to learn and grow.
Whether you want to run your own business or have a career filled with promotions and awards, being assertive is a skill you’ll always find useful.
If you want to talk to someone about being more assertive, you can set up a one-to-one meeting with the Careers and Employability who are always happy to hear from you. Get in touch with them at careers-london@sunderland.ac.uk or visit their website to find out more.
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